


It's not waiting if you're already here

by Kamaete



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexual Tony Stark, Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Rejection, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23605426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamaete/pseuds/Kamaete
Summary: “Are you asking me out?” Steve asks, amused and unbelieving.Tony tries to ask Steve out but Steve needs time. Tony decides that's okay.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 62





	It's not waiting if you're already here

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on tumblr a long time ago, but realised it was polished enough to put here too. Most of my other fics can't really be called fics, but this has dialogue and everything!

“I like you,” Tony says, grinning at Steve over a piece of sashimi.

The sushi bar isn’t the kind of place Tony would normally go to, but he likes it and Steve likes it. It’s got a nice atmosphere, the sushi chefs are sociable and pleasant and engaging, the music playing has a nice beat and the food is fantastic. Steve is delighted to let the chef choose his plate since he learned that was an option, and Tony is delighted to watch Steve encounter new foods. It could be a reality tv show as far as Tony was concerned. _Captain America Eats What?!_ He’s sure the American public would watch it, but he’s glad he gets it for himself.

Now, Steve makes a noise as he swallows his food, and raises an eyebrow when he looks over at Tony, expectant. Tony’s heart is beating faster, and his palms are just a little warmer than usual, and he has half a mind to turn this into another joke. Flirting with Steve has become a comfortable game; safe and easy and even fun after Steve started joining in. But Tony isn’t in the habit of letting things go easily, even if he should, and he’s not about to start now.

“I mean, really. You’re great, of course, and funny and, well, why am I telling you this? I should be selling me right now. I’m great and funny and, well. Me,” Steve can’t seem to help himself when he chuckles, “So, really, that says everything. And together I think we’re also great. Better, even, or well, I’m better when I’m with you and–”

“Are you asking me out?” Steve asks, amused and unbelieving.

“I’m trying to, is it working?” He grins a bit.

Steve clears his throat but doesn’t say anything. He puts down the chopsticks he was holding and settles his hands on the bar. Tony wants to lay his hand over Steve’s, he’s been wanting to do that a while now. More than anything, really, that’s what pushed Tony to ask Steve out. Appreciating Steve’s body, and his smile, and the way he settles next to Tony on the couch, liking his conversations with Steve, even the arguments, the banter over comms. and the chatter during Movie Night with the rest of the team, all of that Tony was content to not mess with. It was perfect, really, having Steve close and comfortable and willing to spend so much time with him. And it was enough.

Or was, because now Tony wants more. He finds himself wanting to push at the boundaries between them. He wants to tell Steve he likes his eyes, or his ass, or his hands or anything at all and have Steve take him seriously. He wants to lean into Steve, casually, on the couch, to get into his space without covering it up with increasingly eccentric excuses. Tony wants to just, to touch him. Not sexually, not really, he just wants to be able to slip his hand into Steve’s hair, or sling an arm around his shoulders. He wants to wake up in the morning, walk into his kitchen and see Steve there. Waiting for him or not, just, comfortable and living in his space. He’s had to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing Steve’s hand more than once, and so he has decided to fess up.

“I’m not,” Steve starts then stops.

Tony bites his tongue, tries to wait patiently, and ends up picking up another piece of sashimi to stop himself from fidgeting.

“You’re great, Tony, and, well, attractive, but I’m just not– well, looking for a relationship?” A blush is spreading over his nose and cheeks, and Tony finds himself smiling with a mouthful of fish because he’s conditioned now, to smile at Steve.

“Well, here’s the thing,” Tony says, because, well. It’s not really a relationship he wants with Steve. It is, he wants the hand holding, the dates and the comfortable intimacy a relationship affords but he doesn’t really want… well anything else. The kissing, the sex. Though, he’s sure it’d be nice, really, because Steve and peak of human perfection, probably, he just doesn’t want that really. “I just–” and he gives in this time, and puts his hand next to Steve’s, not on it, or pressuring, but just next to it. Enough that he can feel the warmth of it. “I just want what we already have? But with, dates and hand holding sometimes. Maybe, hugs.”

Steve turns to look at him, his hand moving as he does it. Tony doesn’t look back, just stares at his hand, which is suddenly cold. Tony’s pretty sure that moving to look at him isn’t a tactical maneuver meant to keep Steve’s hand out of reach of Tony’s, just an incidental coincidence. Then again, Steve is a military genius.

“Isn’t that exactly what a relationship is though?” Steve asks and Tony meets his eye.

“Yeah, except it’s also kissing, and sex and,” he goes over his Relationships of Past, “Well, mostly that, actually, and that’s good, that’s great, but I’d rather just the–” he motions his hand trying to find the words he’s looking for, “–well, I’d like anything mostly.” Like Steve’s steadying hand on his shoulder at night, after a nightmare and that’s. Well, that’s scary, really. He wants Steve in his chest, tucked right against his heart, because with Steve there Tony’s sure it would hurt less. Steve has nightmares too, and Tony finds himself wanting to be in the position to comfort him as well, wants to tuck his arms around Steve and hold him close and whisper things under the cover of dark.

“I thought you liked the kissing and sex parts,” Steve comments, smiling again, and it’s an opening to make this a lighter conversation.

Tony almost says what he always says, but he wants to be honest this time. “It makes me uncomfortable, actually,” he picks up another piece of sashimi because, while he wants this conversation to be honest that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want something to hide behind. People usually laugh, when he says this.

“I thought you were, uh, ‘equal opportunity’?” Steve says, using the finger quotes Clint and Tony spent 45 minutes trying to teach him.

“What, oh that’s not what I meant. I mean, yeah, I am ‘equal opportunity’–” he copies Steve’s quotes with a grin, “– I meant the kissing and sex parts.”

“But you– that’s…” Steve trails off, looking confused and trying very hard not to say but you have naked videos on YouTube and 30 years of chronicled sexual exploits.

“It’s really easy to get a reputation, you know. Harder to get rid of one.”

Steve frowns and looks at him, looking suddenly worried. He puts a hand on Tony’s shoulder which, it’s warm a reassuring and Tony’s stomach flutters like he’s a stepping into college for the first time.

“Is this, are you, uh, asexual?” Steve asks, concerned and supportive and Tony laughs a bit because he can just imagine Steve researching sexuality in his exhaustive and never-ending acclimation to the 21st century.

“I don’t know, that’s not the point,” Tony says trying to stifle his laughing.

“It kind of is,” Steve says, too serious for Tony’s taste.

“No, I’m just saying, that, well. I’m hitting on you, but not like that, exactly? It’s just, not a problem, if you don’t want to kiss me or something, I mean. That’s not a part of what I want. I just want, like, disc two, Friendship: Expanded, or something?”

“I understand what you’re saying, Tony,” Steve says, which is good because Tony’s lost the thread somewhere in all the rambling.

“Well?” Tony asks, fiddling with his chopsticks, and trying not to be impatient or rude or something.

“It’s just. I’m not looking for a relationship,” Steve repeats, like Tony didn’t hear him the first time. Steve’s hand is still on Tony’s shoulder and Tony thinks about shrugging it off. “I like what we have Tony, and you’re. I already told you you’re attractive, Uh, is that okay? To say that? I know some people don’t–” Tony stops thinking about shrugging off Steve’s hand.

“Steve, my ego is just as big as ever, please continue stroking it,” Tony laughs, and Steve grins at him. He sits back, too, taking his hand away and Tony’s shoulder is far too cold now.

“Okay, well, you’re very pretty Tony,” Steve says, and his voice is more comfortable now, before he gets serious again, “And I wouldn’t mind. Well,” he looks melancholy and the light-hearted feeling Tony was starting to get drops out the bottom of his stomach, “I wouldn’t mind that part, but I guess, you would and I’m just. Not. I’m not ready for what you want? I don’t want the dates or the stuff you’d do in a relationship. Not right now. I just, I need the time for me and…”

Steve’s shoulders have hunched, just a bit and he looks so sorry that Tony wants to get angry a bit. Just because he’s being rejected–and it’s. It’s the intimacies Tony craves that he’s getting rejected for because Steve just said that he wouldn’t mind, what, being fuck-buddies? And that’s just. That makes Tony want stuff every word he’s said back in his mouth, he wants to tell Steve that he’s perfectly comfortable with sex, with kissing. And it, it wouldn’t be a lie, he isn’t sex-repulsed or anything, but he’d just rather not do the tumble-in-the-bed routine anymore, especially not with Steve, who’d be so close but Tony still wouldn’t have what he wanted and– well, anyways, rejection doesn’t mean his life is over, Steve doesn’t have to pity him.

“That’s okay,” And it will be, really, “But, still friends, right?” Tony asks, can’t help asking because, well, he was perfectly content with being close friends with Steve, he can find that place again.

“Yeah, of course. I love what we have Tony. You being my friend means so much, you’ve really been there for me, and I wouldn’t want that to change for anything,” Steve unhunches and tries a smile.

“Yeah, me neither, Steve. I just wanted you to know. I wasn’t expecting anything really,” and he should stop there, but his mind is in honesty mode, and this is what he gets for being candid, “It’s too much to ask for without being willing to give the whole shebang a go.”

“Woah, no, Tony that’s not what I–” Steve puts his hand on Tony’s shoulder again, and squeezes this time, “Look. You shouldn’t compromise your comfort levels for someone else, first of all. And second, I like you, Tony. I’m just not in the right place for a relationship. I have things to work out and come to terms with, by myself, before I can be comfortable with my ability to give a relationship the attention it deserves.”

“But when you get there?” Tony asks, trying not to entertain the hope in his chest, but failing.

“When I get there… it might be a long time, Tony.”

“I know, of course, I know that,” he swallows, “But I’m going to be there for you, I’ll be there when you get on the other side anyways.”

“You don’t. You shouldn’t wait for me,” Steve says.

“I’m not,” Tony decides, but really, who is gonna be better that Steve Rogers? “I won’t wait for you. But I’m still going to be there for you, if you need it, Rogers.”

“Then, yeah, afterwords I wouldn’t mind. I mean, I’d like to be in a relationship with you, if you’re available.”

“Yeah?” Tony’s mouth is twitching and he gives up and grins.

“Yes.“

“Well, great. Awesome even, here, wanna try this? It’s good, try with the lemon slice,” Tony pushes his plate closer to Steve and he can’t stop grinning at the man.

“Thanks, Tony,” Steve reaches for a bite, and they settle back into the meal.


End file.
